Anxiety and IBS

Opening up is not easy. And this blog at least doesn’t force me to reveal who I am in real life. But one issue from which I have suffered for almost three years (maybe I am exaggerating) but I have never experienced it before is related to anxiety and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).

Now, this first condition is pretty well known to everyone. Most of us are leading a stressful life. A life with which we are all pretty familiar, and anxiety is very much a huge part of it. Anyhow, this second condition is related to the first one, which kind of complicates my life at times. IBS is a gut disease, which messes up your stomach and your bowl habits, and I really don’t want to get into literal shit talking but at times I feel so miserable that I can’t handle myself as a person. Thus, my issue with anxiety is displayed through a physical reaction.

As a result I started closing myself a lot, I am avoiding social events (or anything stressful), I have two people with who I hang out, home is my safe zone and dating is out of the question. And the saddest part is that I am very young.

My IBS is the worst when I have to go out and be in a social environment. Now, why this is upsetting is because I used to be a very social person, I still am, but now crowds excite me way less, and I simply have lack of desire to meet new people, especially with IBS which can affect your confidence in so many ways.

Now, what is difficult about accepting this condition , is the fact that I have never ever experienced it before. I am in the process of learning to accept that as part of my life. The biggest challange to overcome is how to not let my physical condition define who I am as a person, in my own eyes.

I keep on seeing it as my personal failure, even though this is beyond my control. I can’t tell my stomach: “ Okay, you can’t use the toilet at 14:00 because you have class “. Being always in control is not realistic, and accepting that will take time. And sometimes when you lose control it makes you feel as though you have lost.


Erupt every now and then

It’s funny how I suddenly feel the most inspired when I experience some kind of sadness in my life. Happiness, it can truly prevent people from noticing the feelings they are collecting within them. With sadness, it feels like everything resurfaces outside, all the pains and aches we are collecting within ourselves. It is as though it’s a law of nature. Same with volcanos, they erupt every now and then, from the pressures they accumulate over time due to rising magma (honestly, I don’t want to get into geography right now). This magma can be thick, gassy, toxic and it cannot dissolve within the volcano, it has to erupt just like our feelings, which can vary in kind as well. So it’s fine to erupt every now and then.

A self-care note

No one has ever told you that it’s going to be easy, and it’s not. You have no idea how far you have come, one month from now on you will read this with a smile on your face, knowing the time you have invested into being a better person, has shown through your results.

Keep working, you are doing great. It’s okay to have bad days, everyone has them, but no one shows them, as social media is an escape from reality, and everyone seems to be having it all together (makes me sick at times) when in fact everyone has daily struggles.

Trust me, even when you are down, you taking the step to even better yourself in every way possible is a huge accomplishment. Patience, is a virtue and it needs to be practiced. Your results will come, just keep working. Remember, it’s only one you, and you are either going to take care of yourself, or neglect yourself. And stay thankful to everything, the struggles you face, are the kind of struggles some people wish to have. You are truly living a good life. STAY GREATFUL, THANKFUL, and HUMBLE.

It’s okay to be single.

I was never able to wrap my head around the fact that many people are constantly pressured for being single or ‘unable’ to find a partner. They tend to believe that being single, signifies their inability to keep a person around or that they are undesirable by other human beings (if you still identify like this).

Now, being with someone is totally desirable, even by a hopeless romantic like myself, however, there is a fine line between situations which happen spontaneously and those which are forced. For example, let’s take a look at tinder. A modern day disease, which has reduced the essence of love and attraction to a ‘right versus left swipe’ on a picture. What makes me furious is the fact that often the search for the significant other is not genuine at certain times. Often, the desire to obtain a partner is to show other people how you are capable of love and that other human beings are able to love you, for you.

It is important to consult with yourself first, before you embark on a journey of man/woman + 50 other genders (I am trying to be inclusive and politically correct) hunting. You need to speak to your inner feelings, and see whether you really need to have a partner and what are the reasons behind that. I believe, before you embark on a journey like this you need to understand yourself first. You need to build yourself, love yourself unconditionally, be the best version you can possibly be, before you start loving someone else.

Some people do not know how to be alone, and I feel like this is highly important to know. After all, you were born alone (not in case you are a twin) and you will die alone. It is important to connect with yourself and understand loneliness and spend time alone, before you embark on a bumpy journey of relationships.

I once heard: “The best asset you have, is you”

Love, risky indeed

21 summers in my pocket, and I was able to conclude that love is like buying stocks. Yes, like stocks. When you first buy them, you need to be patient with it, let them grow, but also invest in other stocks in order to diversify the risk of losing that one stock you initially have put all your hopes in.

Same with love, you need to be patient with it because it sure does drive you crazy, but you also tend to cherish and value friendships with other people, just to have that ‘in case’ support system if something does go wrong, so you are not completely alone.

The value of stocks is like a rollercoaster, they go up and down, depending on different factors, which I’d rather not get into, because you my friend did not sign up for a course in finance on this blog. Anyways, with these ups and downs, from a long term perspective it is highly impossible to predict whether the whole investment is going to be valuable at the end. It might make you crazy rich, or you might just lose all the money you have invested in the first place.

Same with love , every day is a new day of this rollercoaster ride. But in this case, you are not investing your money, but time. One day you are head over heels in love, the other day you are in your lows. People fall in love and grow out of it, and it depends not only on the relationship between the two individuals, (three or more if you are polyamorous) but on the outside factors as well. Outside factors such as ‘other people’ or ‘specific circumstances’. And at the end you are unsure, whether this is going to workout and bring you joy, or you are going to experience a personal loss and devastation if things do not work out the way you expected it to go. At the end, it all comes down to calculating the cost and benefit of engaging into something called love, and whether gambling with your time is going to be worth at the end.

A beginning

They say, writing is an escape from reality. Put it on the paper and it will never be forgotten.

It’s tough to stay anonymous these days, because everything and everyone is one click away from being fully visible to the rest of the world. I feel like people have become emotionally and spiritually secluded from one another, they have become secluded from the reality. We forgot what makes us human. People are caught up in becoming special, unique, different but in that constant effort, they are actually becoming like everyone else.

Another sad thing, is that people are too scared to show vulnerability, like something is wrong with that. But it’s okay to sleep around.

The truth is I am also scared to be vulnerable, and I question it why? What is it? You have been hurt so many times, and I don’t mean to sound cliché but if the experience has taught you a million lessons, then why don’t you try again, this time a little smarter? I feel like I’ve been there for the people, but have these people ever been there for me? Is it because I am scared to be vulnerable and weak, so they do not really have the chance to be there for me? Is it my fault, that I am bound to think that I should always exhibit strength even though I am crumbling deep inside?

An awkward title

Hello, hi, hey or whatever greeting you prefer, the purpose of this blog is literally to talk to a wall and get my personal issues out. Also, I can’t afford a therapist, so this is kind of for free. Hopefully, one day I will manage to become an influential blogger ( I really don’t care). And here is a picture of an orange colour, just to spice things up a little.