Opening up is not easy. And this blog at least doesn’t force me to reveal who I am in real life. But one issue from which I have suffered for almost three years (maybe I am exaggerating) but I have never experienced it before is related to anxiety and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).
Now, this first condition is pretty well known to everyone. Most of us are leading a stressful life. A life with which we are all pretty familiar, and anxiety is very much a huge part of it. Anyhow, this second condition is related to the first one, which kind of complicates my life at times. IBS is a gut disease, which messes up your stomach and your bowl habits, and I really don’t want to get into literal shit talking but at times I feel so miserable that I can’t handle myself as a person. Thus, my issue with anxiety is displayed through a physical reaction.
As a result I started closing myself a lot, I am avoiding social events (or anything stressful), I have two people with who I hang out, home is my safe zone and dating is out of the question. And the saddest part is that I am very young.
My IBS is the worst when I have to go out and be in a social environment. Now, why this is upsetting is because I used to be a very social person, I still am, but now crowds excite me way less, and I simply have lack of desire to meet new people, especially with IBS which can affect your confidence in so many ways.
Now, what is difficult about accepting this condition , is the fact that I have never ever experienced it before. I am in the process of learning to accept that as part of my life. The biggest challange to overcome is how to not let my physical condition define who I am as a person, in my own eyes.
I keep on seeing it as my personal failure, even though this is beyond my control. I can’t tell my stomach: “ Okay, you can’t use the toilet at 14:00 because you have class “. Being always in control is not realistic, and accepting that will take time. And sometimes when you lose control it makes you feel as though you have lost.